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Posts Tagged ‘truths’

Oh dear, I’m a total slacker. Worst blogger ever. It’s a good thing I don’t get paid for this, because I would have been fired long ago, Donald Trump style. Yup, I said it. Daring greatly over here!

The reason I believe I’m still alive today? God’s will, of course. Shit, this isn’t Witty Wednesday, is it? Okay, for real…

The reason(s) I believe I’m still alive today (in no particular order):

  • Privilege
  • Family
  • Dumb luck
  • Good genes
  • Lifestyle

I’m sure there are other reasons, but I need to finish this piece of shit list of truths before the end of the year, as promised, or else I’ll feel like a failure. And maybe my goal for 2016 will be to get back to this blog’s roots before it devolves into complete and utter bullshit. But because I live in the Bay Area, I’m only going to say I’m *Interested* in reviving this blog, because committing to anything is for chumps.

 

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I’m about to contradict myself with this post (see the prior truth), but since I’m feeling slightly fantastic today (in the fanciful sort of way), I’ll humor you with this truth.

What I’m about to say may seem familiar to some people, since I tend to talk about it a lot when the discussion turns to careers and happiness. Let me start off by saying I’m not unhappy with my job. I won’t call it a career, since it doesn’t feel like one to me. Unless you want to say I’m careering toward an uncertain future! Career. Is that word starting to sound nonsensical yet, or is it just me? Anyway, I’m satisfied. My job isn’t ridiculously challenging but is interesting enough, and it allows me to play on nights and weekends.

However, I often wonder what I’d be doing had I taken a break between high school and college to discover what’s really out there. You only learn so much during a sheltered middle and high school life surrounded by family and peers. And everyone from your parents to your guidance counselors attempt to push you toward majors and careers that they believe suit you. But how do you know what suits you when you’re 17 years old? I certainly didn’t. There are exceptions, no doubt, but I do not fall into that category.

There’s myriad ways to earn a living out there, many of which are things I never would have considered as a high school student. I also know people who skipped the whole college thing and are very happy and successful. So something I wish I’d done was take that time to travel, work, and figure out how I could fuse earning an income with doing something I truly enjoy. (But then I always wonder if I turned something I love into a means of income, would I lose my passion for it?)

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I spend a lot of time thinking about what my life would be like had I taken a different path. Turned right at the fork instead of left. (As my cyclists friends know, I don’t turn right.) Chosen up instead of down.

Life is an extremely complicated and thick Choose Your Own Adventure novel. And, unfortunately, we can’t skip to the end to see how it turns out and then flip back to the beginning to alter our decisions accordingly. As amazing as it might be to bend space and time like Hiro Nakamura, I’m not yet that evolved. Plus, Hiro almost totally fucked up history with his shenanigans. (As an aside, new season of Heroes coming this fall! Both excited for and scared about this. There is no substitute for Sylar, and I hope they don’t try and replicate the old series.)

Back to the point – when I imagine my life as a concrete thing, I see it as a deep and involved root system that extends far into the earth and for miles just beneath the surface. Each root is connected to a decision I’ve made, and each decision leads me closer to the trunk of the tree and its branches reaching toward the light of day. Or maybe the stars at night. Yeah, stars at night. That’s more my thing. The root system is intricate and beautiful and not something with which I want to tamper.

Though I may not be happy with things I’ve done in my life or proud of decisions I’ve made, I’m here now because of those actions and decisions. And yeah, life can be frustrating and stressful sometimes, but I feel pretty damn lucky and am pretty damn satisfied. So once again, I’m cheating on this list. Hey, it’s better than cheating on a person. And that’s one thing I can say I’ve never done in my life.

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Look at me! I’m on a roll! Two days and two posts. I deserve a medal, or maybe a drink. Or some drugs. Kidding. Or am I?

I don’t have a problem with alcohol or drugs unless they interfere with someone’s everyday life. Drugs aren’t really my thing (not saying that’s always been the case), and I don’t judge friends who partake. To each her own. Technically alcohol is also a drug, the only difference being that it’s legal for those of a certain age. So, when your alcohol/drug use gets you into dangerous situations or to risk your safety or the safety of others, I have a problem.

This brings me to an interesting question: Why is it that alcohol is legal but drugs, such as marijuana, generally are not? Alcohol doesn’t have any medicinal benefits (no, alcohol does not kill germs, unless you’re talking about rubbing alcohol). Okay, maybe Fernet does, but it tastes like crap. At least marijuana has proven benefits, like helping with anxiety and insomnia. Sure, if you drink enough alcohol you can stop giving a fuck and then pass out, but the resulting “sleep” is not satisfying, and you can’t function normally in the meantime. And man, the hangover! And also the awful feelings associated with realizing what you did the night before (e.g., drunk texting your ex), which brings me to my next point: Alcohol lowers inhibitions. I can’t tell you how many idiotic things I’ve done and said while drunk. Unfortunately, alcohol is a huge money-making industry. Many social events revolve around it. You don’t see commercials tempting you to “puff, puff, pass” before the quarterback passes the football. (Though I think a bunch of stoned sports fanatics would be less prone to fighting than a bunch of drunk sports fanatics.) The Most Interesting Man in the World isn’t The Big Lebowski but the man who tells you to “stay thirsty.” I’m sure as marijuana becomes more acceptable, and once the government and corporations realize they can make lots of money from it, it will be legalized more broadly and the advertising will follow suit.

I guess my point is that as long as you’re an adult who can manage yourself when partaking in drugs or alcohol, it’s fine with me. Wow, this post is all over the place. I need a drink.

Read the full list of truths here.

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I can’t believe it’s almost February and I’m only on Day 08. What a slacker! Though the fact that I’ve posted more in the past two months than I did in all of 2012 and 2013 ought to count for something. Onto the post at hand…

Unfortunately, being the sensitive soul that I am, I have quite a few people who fall into this category. But there is one person in particular who treated me like shit and made my life hell. I’m grateful that she was only in my life for a relatively short period of time, but it was an extremely stressful time. Almost everyone who knows me has heard about my roommate from hell (RFH). I apologize in advance for what will most definitely be a rambling and crazy post.

The year was 2001. The town was Brighton, MA. I had just graduated from college and was super stoked to have a full-time job and be moving into my first post-college apartment with two roommates. One of the girls was the master tenant; she’d been there for a while. She was also older and working toward her PhD in physical therapy. I don’t remember how I found the place, but a good college friend of mine hooked us up with a mutual friend from school for the third bedroom. At first, we all got along. We shopped for common area stuff, hung out a lot in the apartment, and generally had a good time. After a while, RFH’s behavior started to grate on me. She never cleaned up after herself, and she was loud and inconsiderate. She also tended to be a bully, forcing us other two girls to accommodate her needs. I was starting to realize that, on top of it all, she was somewhat of a phony. I despise phonies.

To make matters worse, we had a bit of a car/parking situation. Our parking setup was off-street tandem, and since she didn’t know how to drive a standard, I always had to park in front of her. That meant shuffling cars myself when she wasn’t home. She didn’t allow me to take the spare car keys, so any time I needed to come or go and she wasn’t there to move her car (or was too lazy to come out and do it herself — yes, this happened), I had to leave my car idling outside, run in to get her spare keys, then run back out to shuffle the cars. At first it was no big deal, because I rarely drove. But once I started dating a guy who lived an hour away, I was driving more frequently and shuffling cars a lot more. When I asked her if she’d mind me holding onto her spare keys so I didn’t have to run in and out of the apartment, she flat-out refused “just in case a friend of hers may need to borrow the car.” (Which never happened.)

One specific incident burned itself into my brain. It was a rainy Monday of a long weekend, and I was returning from a movie and the grocery store with a car full of groceries. Upon getting home, there was a car parked in my spot. Due to the weather, I opted to pull up alongside the house where I’m technically not supposed to park (you need a permit to park on those streets, and I didn’t have one due to my car being registered in another town). When I got inside, RFH was there with her parents. Her parents were the ones blocking my space. After I unloaded my stuff and needed to park, I asked RFH if her parents could possibly move their car so I could get into the driveway. She essentially flipped out and refused. They did eventually leave, and I was lucky to not have gotten any sort of citation.

Time went on, and things got to the point where both the third older roommate and me weren’t talking to RFH unless we had to. But since older roommate was gone a lot between work, school, and her boyfriend, I got the brunt of RFH’s attitude. And it wasn’t just sloppiness, but also personal attacks. By now, I was mostly staying in my room or with my boyfriend. I consistently had stomach issues, because I’m not good at confrontation, and my emotions manifest them in my stomach.

When it finally came time to renew the lease, RFH told me: “Come August, you’d better find a new place.” Little did she know that older roommate and I already planned to ask RFH to leave. So at the time, I just smiled and walked away, knowing older roommate, as master tenant, would be the one to break the news.

*******

On moving day, RFH’s parents are once again on site. I had been staying at my boyfriends and had passive-aggressively taken her spare car keys, knowing she’d need them before leaving. I also knew I’d be getting home well before she left, but by now I was blinded by anger. When I get to the apartment, they’re about two-thirds of the way done, so I just walk into my room and shut the door. Not five minutes later, I hear a knock. I open the door to see her dad, who says something like: “We have been nothing but nice to you, and then you go and give it to us up the ass.” Gestures and all. I’m so shaken/angry/scared that I take her spare keys and chuck them into the hall, slam my door, and call my boyfriend to talk to him until they’re gone.

*******

Thankfully, that was the last I saw of RFH and her parents. Older roommate and I replaced RFH with a sweet Irish girl who might as well have been an angel compared to RFH.

There you have it. The first (and worst) in a series of roommate experiences that have convinced me living alone (unless it’s with a partner) is the way to go.

*Deep breaths*

Read the full list of truths here.

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Not sure if it’s the cloudy skies (what is this, like four days in a row of clouds?) or the impending rainstorm of the century, but I am not feeling this truth today. In fact, the only thing I’m feeling is the desire to go home, snuggle with Shadow, and watch trashy TV. Who wouldn’t want to snuggle with this?

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Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Something I love about myself is that I’m loyal to those I care about. Kind of like Shadow (though my mom would say Shadow is loyal to those who give her treats, which, in dog world, equates to love). I’m not a fair-weather friend/person and am pretty good about coming through in the clutch. You tell can a true friend is someone who is there when things are good AND when they are bad. I am one of those people.

Unfortunately, I don’t feel like expounding on this right now. I must have a 5th sense. It’s like I have ESPN or something, because my head can tell when it’s gonna rain. Or, it can tell when it’s raining:

But seriously, I get massive headaches and sinus pains when storms are about to come through. So instead of getting a serious post like yesterday, you get a lot of avoidance. Ah well, the truth is [in] there.

For those of my friends in the Bay Area, stay safe!

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Recently, I’ve been spending my downtime at work reading other peoples’ blogs (mostly those of strangers), because these days it seems that anything and everything beats being productive when it comes to my own life. And, focusing on other people keeps me from focusing on myself. A slump, maybe? Who knows. I was never good at consistent blogging, but this has gotten out-of-hand.

In what I can only assume is fate, I came across this blog post, and I’ve decided to give it a shot. Not only will it force me to write [almost] every day, it will also [maybe?] give me a chance to evaluate myself and my life and start the next year on a positive note.

So without further ado, here is the list of truths I’ll be tackling as we wrap up 2014 and enter what I hope will be an amazing 2015:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 →A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 →Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

The truthing starts tomorrow!

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