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Archive for the ‘sick’ Category

I started this post a couple of days ago, not knowing how to address the subject. There are no doubt people I could live without. And there are also many things I could live without; for example, oodles of money. Because I’m currently living without that.

However, last night when I woke up with a sore throat and stuffy nose, I realized I could definitely live — and live very happily — without head colds. I could get all extreme on you and use the blanket term “illness,” since I’m sure a life without illness would be grand indeed, but I won’t. Though it does make me wonder if I could live forever by evading illness, or at least live until we destroy the planet.

No, head colds are the bane of my existence. They render me helpless and useless and attack me without warning. The only drug that works on clearing my sinuses is pseudoephedrine. You know, the stuff you now have to show your ID to the pharmacist to buy. And unfortunately it’s non-drowsy, so trying to sleep after taking it isn’t ideal. And, when I take it at work with the goal of helping me breathe and focus, my head turns into a red balloon full of helium and floats up to the ceiling to bounce around there for a while.

I’m one of those people who is greatly affected by head colds. Call me a wuss, but sleeping even with one clogged nostril is near impossible for me. You may not know this, but I was once addicted to Afrin (thanks, dad). After a painful withdrawal process, I can now mostly manage my sinuses with a Neti pot and saline spray.

Head colds, I detest thee. You sneak up on me, tap me on the shoulder, and laugh in my sore-nosed face. You make riding an elevator feel like being on a plane. You scare sleep away from me. You make food taste bland and the air smell strange. Once a rare visitor, you now torment me more than once a year. You make me question my immune system, of which I used to be quite proud. Am I getting weak in my old age? Head cold, I want to dash you with a u-lock.

Head cold, take the 101 down to the 5, find a fracking site, and go back to hell where you belong!

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