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Archive for July, 2015

I came across this article today and wanted to write about it. Not because it makes a reference to Pride and Prejudice… okay, partially because it makes a reference to Pride and Prejudice… but because I completely agree with it.

I’ve always believed a person, lover or not, can become infinitely more attractive (or ugly) as you get to know his or her personality. Plenty of times I’ve met a guy who I initially found hot but whose appearance became increasingly less appealing as I got to know him. And then there were the men I wrote off at first because they weren’t “my type” only to wake up one day with the realization that I had a huge crush on them. Same goes for friends — or enemies — in my life.

“Perceptions of mate value change the more time that people spend together.”

So, so true. I’m a fan of “slow love,” or falling for the book and not its cover. Which is why I think it’s vitally important to keep an open mind when meeting someone new, especially if it’s through dating apps. Don’t be in such a rush to swipe left! Several people I’ve dated would have been left-swiped on Tinder at the time. Thankfully (I think), I met these people in-person, and I fell for them after getting to know them. But it makes me wonder how many people I may have eliminated in the past because they didn’t fit my definition of attractive when presented to me on my phone’s small screen. I’ve since come to my senses, and though I’m not actively swiping bitches right now, I’m mindful of this phenomenon and its implications.

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I’m about to contradict myself with this post (see the prior truth), but since I’m feeling slightly fantastic today (in the fanciful sort of way), I’ll humor you with this truth.

What I’m about to say may seem familiar to some people, since I tend to talk about it a lot when the discussion turns to careers and happiness. Let me start off by saying I’m not unhappy with my job. I won’t call it a career, since it doesn’t feel like one to me. Unless you want to say I’m careering toward an uncertain future! Career. Is that word starting to sound nonsensical yet, or is it just me? Anyway, I’m satisfied. My job isn’t ridiculously challenging but is interesting enough, and it allows me to play on nights and weekends.

However, I often wonder what I’d be doing had I taken a break between high school and college to discover what’s really out there. You only learn so much during a sheltered middle and high school life surrounded by family and peers. And everyone from your parents to your guidance counselors attempt to push you toward majors and careers that they believe suit you. But how do you know what suits you when you’re 17 years old? I certainly didn’t. There are exceptions, no doubt, but I do not fall into that category.

There’s myriad ways to earn a living out there, many of which are things I never would have considered as a high school student. I also know people who skipped the whole college thing and are very happy and successful. So something I wish I’d done was take that time to travel, work, and figure out how I could fuse earning an income with doing something I truly enjoy. (But then I always wonder if I turned something I love into a means of income, would I lose my passion for it?)

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I spend a lot of time thinking about what my life would be like had I taken a different path. Turned right at the fork instead of left. (As my cyclists friends know, I don’t turn right.) Chosen up instead of down.

Life is an extremely complicated and thick Choose Your Own Adventure novel. And, unfortunately, we can’t skip to the end to see how it turns out and then flip back to the beginning to alter our decisions accordingly. As amazing as it might be to bend space and time like Hiro Nakamura, I’m not yet that evolved. Plus, Hiro almost totally fucked up history with his shenanigans. (As an aside, new season of Heroes coming this fall! Both excited for and scared about this. There is no substitute for Sylar, and I hope they don’t try and replicate the old series.)

Back to the point – when I imagine my life as a concrete thing, I see it as a deep and involved root system that extends far into the earth and for miles just beneath the surface. Each root is connected to a decision I’ve made, and each decision leads me closer to the trunk of the tree and its branches reaching toward the light of day. Or maybe the stars at night. Yeah, stars at night. That’s more my thing. The root system is intricate and beautiful and not something with which I want to tamper.

Though I may not be happy with things I’ve done in my life or proud of decisions I’ve made, I’m here now because of those actions and decisions. And yeah, life can be frustrating and stressful sometimes, but I feel pretty damn lucky and am pretty damn satisfied. So once again, I’m cheating on this list. Hey, it’s better than cheating on a person. And that’s one thing I can say I’ve never done in my life.

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