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Archive for December, 2014

Happy New Year’s Eve! The holiday season has kept me busy (and hungover), and I’ve been slacking in the blogging department. Given that New Year’s is all about making — and keeping — resolutions, now’s as good a time as any to tackle Day 05. Though I don’t particularly like the concept of resolutions, the beginning of another year is the perfect time to reflect on your life and make attainable goals for your future. A clean slate, if you will.

Besides the obvious goal of merely surviving until 2015 (which may be difficult since my evening plans involve being outside in cold temperatures for an extended period of time (Yes, I know. I’m from New England and should not be whining about 40-degree temperatures at all. But three years here has thinned my blood, and my winter coat is packed somewhere in storage.)), this one’s easy.

One thing I hope to do in my life is bike across the country. I have a touring bike, built almost from scratch, that would be perfect for the journey. “America the Beautiful” wasn’t written about nothing, and I can’t think of a better way to take in what this country has to offer. I’ve spoken with people who have made the trek, and they only have positive things to say. Plus, it would help me conquer a couple of my biggest fears: traveling alone and finding my way (both on a map and in my brain). It’s also a great way to meet new people – those I wouldn’t normally meet in the course of everyday life. I’ve never lived alone and am the type of person who prefers not to be isolated. At this point in my life, forced alone time is something from which I could greatly benefit. Plus, I’ll never truly be isolated. There will always be friendly people willing to lend a hand (or a couch), and cell service is never too far out of reach.

Just thinking about biking cross-country scares and excites me, which confirms that I need to stop “just thinking” about it and make it happen. Tonight I’ll be drinking to keep warm and to planning an exciting two-wheeled journey.

Click here to read the list of Truths.

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Sorry for the delay, folks! It’s been crazy at work (like, I actually have to focus on it). And, to be honest, I’ve been putting this one off. Partly because I’m kind of at a loss, and partly because I don’t want to call anyone out. Not like my opinion truly matters to anyone other than myself, but I am putting this out there for the public.

This Truth goes somewhat hand-in-hand with Day 03. I’m hard on myself, and I’m hard on others. Consequently, I’ve held a lot of grudges over the years and have trouble letting things go. Even when I say I’m going to forgive and forget, I don’t often really forgive, let alone forget. Even today when I recount traumatizing stuff that happened over 10 years ago, negative feelings resurface. Yes, I know that’s not healthy and that letting things go in order to forgive people will help me more than anyone else.

The good thing is that this post is about something I have to forgive someone for — not necessarily something I WILL forgive someone for. Haha, loophole, I found you! I’m also going to be extremely vague, for reasons mentioned above. I’m sure some people will still be able to figure this one out. Oh well!

There is a person — I’ll refer to as “Poop Head” — who is not so much in my life anymore. This is mainly because I refuse to forgive Poop Head for completely messing with my head and heart over an extended period of time by being selfish and thoughtless while at the same time manipulating others to believe that Poop Head is perfect and infallible (among other things). I won’t go into anymore detail, but I am aware that forgiving Poop Head would allow me to move on with my life. I’m getting closer and closer to forgiveness (I will NEVER forget, lest I make the same mistake twice), but I’m not quite there yet. I’m hopeful that forgiveness will replace resentment sooner than later. In the meantime, I continue to spend more and more time with amazing people who get me ever-closer to the goal.

You can refer back to the list of Truths here.

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I’ve been thinking about this one for a couple of days now and feel like I’m generally pretty good at forgiving myself. However, one thing for which I’m particularly hard on myself is not bicycling. This morning, I realized I was internally berating myself for taking the bus instead of biking to work. In the past, I biked to work every day regardless of the weather. I have rain gear and two bikes with fenders. There’s no real excuse. But the drought has turned me into a wimp, and I find myself taking the bus to work on rainy days, especially if I plan to go out after work. Hey, I need to be presentable! Have you ever seen helmet hair? Not pretty.

But one of my good friends made an excellent point: Even if I opt out of riding on rainy days, I still ride a lot more than the average person, even for San Francisco. I am the only person at my company who commutes to work by bike. Because my group of friends is comprised of badass cyclists, it’s easy for me to feel like a total slacker when I don’t ride every day. However, many of my friends work at jobs that don’t require them to dress in business attire, which makes a huge difference. And several of them don’t need to bike to work, because they work close to BART.

So I think it’s about time that I [attempt to] forgive myself for occasionally choosing not to ride my bike.

And, because this post is about bikes and I love my bikes, I’m going to include photos of my two-wheeled children, who get plenty of love from me:

Daisy Bell, my commuter:

daisy bell

Violator, my road bike:

bbvj

Thumper, my touring bike (that I helped build from used bike parts):thumper

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Not sure if it’s the cloudy skies (what is this, like four days in a row of clouds?) or the impending rainstorm of the century, but I am not feeling this truth today. In fact, the only thing I’m feeling is the desire to go home, snuggle with Shadow, and watch trashy TV. Who wouldn’t want to snuggle with this?

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Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Something I love about myself is that I’m loyal to those I care about. Kind of like Shadow (though my mom would say Shadow is loyal to those who give her treats, which, in dog world, equates to love). I’m not a fair-weather friend/person and am pretty good about coming through in the clutch. You tell can a true friend is someone who is there when things are good AND when they are bad. I am one of those people.

Unfortunately, I don’t feel like expounding on this right now. I must have a 5th sense. It’s like I have ESPN or something, because my head can tell when it’s gonna rain. Or, it can tell when it’s raining:

But seriously, I get massive headaches and sinus pains when storms are about to come through. So instead of getting a serious post like yesterday, you get a lot of avoidance. Ah well, the truth is [in] there.

For those of my friends in the Bay Area, stay safe!

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My mom always told me that “hate” is a “very strong word” that should never be used unless you really mean it. I’d like to agree with her and reserve the word “hate” for truly awful things like Monsanto and the Koch brothers. Then again, I’m my own harshest critic. (Yes, I may end up peppering this post with clichéd statements. Can that be what I hate about myself?) But, like a fine wine, I have improved with age. Mmm, wine. I have also come to realize that nobody is perfect, including myself, and it’s my flaws that make me the awesome — albeit slightly crazy — person that I am. Amiright? Don’t answer that. (Also, I was not joking about the clichés.)

There’s nothing I hate about myself.

Don’t worry, this isn’t going to be 30 Days of Denial. There are plenty of things I don’t like about myself. One that continually plagues me is that I expect everyone I know to behave according to my standards. And then when they don’t (because almost nobody does), I’m disappointed and/or angry and/or hurt. Back in the day (that’s for you, dad), this was a relationship-ending kind of thing. Thankfully, I’ve learned that ending relationships over unstated and unrealistic expectations makes me a massive hypocrite. If I’m going to embrace my flaws and expect others to do the same, then I need to be better at accepting other people for who they are and what they bring to my life and the table (especially if they’re bringing roasted beets). It doesn’t mean I need to be friends with someone who consistently hurts me or is toxic. That’s not a friend. But if I make the choice to have someone in my life, I can’t hold that person to crazy expectations.

So there you go. Something I don’t like about myself, but it’s something I’m working on. Now if I could just figure out how to reverse the graying of my hair!

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Recently, I’ve been spending my downtime at work reading other peoples’ blogs (mostly those of strangers), because these days it seems that anything and everything beats being productive when it comes to my own life. And, focusing on other people keeps me from focusing on myself. A slump, maybe? Who knows. I was never good at consistent blogging, but this has gotten out-of-hand.

In what I can only assume is fate, I came across this blog post, and I’ve decided to give it a shot. Not only will it force me to write [almost] every day, it will also [maybe?] give me a chance to evaluate myself and my life and start the next year on a positive note.

So without further ado, here is the list of truths I’ll be tackling as we wrap up 2014 and enter what I hope will be an amazing 2015:

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02 Something you love about yourself.
Day 03 Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04 Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05 Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06 Something you hope you never have to do
Day 07 → Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08 Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09 Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10 Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14 →A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15 Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17 A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?
Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?
Day 22 →Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24 Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26 Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?
Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?
Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?
Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30 → A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself.

The truthing starts tomorrow!

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